


Secrets

by NightysWolf



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: After the Covenant, Chapter 13, Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Zegnautus Keep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 20:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17352098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightysWolf/pseuds/NightysWolf
Summary: When he forces the group to take a rest in Zegnautus Keep, Noctis gets the chance to talk with Ignis about things Ignis had left unsaid...





	Secrets

Noctis Lucis Caelum was worn down to the ground after all that had happened in the last few weeks but somehow deep inside himself, he knew that this was not the moment for him to slack off and give into this fatigue and weariness. After they had freed Prompto and had destroyed the device that had been sealing Noct’s powers the young king had decided for once to not push forward. When he had passed the dark hallways the first time, Noctis had noticed a dormitory at the end of one area and decided to give himself and his three companions a moment of rest. Noctis had noticed the large bruises on Prompto’s pale body and the dried blood over his face and he had also noticed that Ignis had been injured in a scuffle before he had met up with Noctis again. Gladio had done his best to take care of the injuriy but it had been difficult with only two hands and a hoard of demons on their backs. Noctis couldn't help but to admire Prompto and Ignis likewise, since both had fought their way through all the obstacles they had been confronted with.

But the young king also knew that they all needed time to rest and heal up and so he insisted on a break. Locking the dormitory behind them, Gladio brought Ignis to one of the beds and despite his protests, the advisor finally gave in and laid down, fast asleep in minutes, his scarred face partly hidden behind the dark lenses. Prompto fell asleep shortly after, yet not before Gladio insisted on him taking a potion to ease the pain.

After making sure one last time that the locks were properly engaged, Noctis sat back on one of the beds as well, pondering and thinking about what had happened and what there was still to face. Nodding towards Gladio he signed his shield that he should get some rest as well, that he would keep watch for the time being. It was after only 30 minutes though, when Noctis heard the sleep of his best friend go restless and decided to wake him, before Prompto in turn would wake up Gladio and Ignis. Especially Ignis since he was way paler than normal and Noctis had seen the light sheen of sweat on his face when he had been standing in the light. And so Noctis got up from his bed and went over to Prompto, carefully shaking him awake to not startle him anymore.

And so they talked. About what had happened, about the train, about Prompto's past, about all the things they hadn't been able to say before. At one point though, Noctis stopped himself for a moment, before he looked up. "Prompto - can I ask you something?"

Prompto - who had been standing next to the bed - nodded. "Did... did Ignis ever tell you what happened on the altar? Did he ever tell you, how he lost his vision?" Noctis looked up from where he sat on the bed and for a moment Prompto's look in turn was directed onto the nothingness, staring into the distance unseeing, before he shook his head and sat down next to Noctis that he could keep his voice low, to not wake either Gladio or Ignis.

For a moment the young gunslinger was silent but then he spoke. "He never told us himself, but Gladio - Gladio had an assumption what happened," Prompto explained. "The big guy had read some signs on the altar but despite talking about it when we were alone, we never confronted Ignis directly. A doctor examined Ignis the morning after the covenant and also on the next day when Ignis was awake again and asked him what he remembered..."

"And Ignis lied to them," Noctis threw in with a soundless and detached voice.

For a moment, Prompto stared at his friend, a surprised look on his face but then he slowly nodded. “The doctors didn’t notice,” he said with a sigh. “They believed him when he said that he couldn’t remember what had happened between leaving with Ravus for the altar and waking up in the hotel again.”

Noctis held his breath for a moment. "But you and Gladio didn't believe him?" he asked.

Argentum shook his head softly. "Don't get me wrong - Ignis is a very convincing liar but only for those who don't know him well enough. I have learned in the years since I know him to read him. Sometimes it's difficult and you need a lot of training but when Ignis is worn down he is a lot easier to see through than normally," the gunslinger said. "And this time - while it was still not easy it was more obvious to Gladio and myself that the was lying. The doctors believed him, but we were skeptical."

"And yet you didn't ask him, why he lied?" Noctis asked.

With a sigh, Prompto turned his head towards Ignis who was still sleeping on one of the bunk beds nearby - his chest rising softly and yet the large scar was more than obvious even in the dim and questionable light of the dormitory. "Gladio tried it with an indirect approach once because we know that Gladio is having a way better connection to Ignis than I have - despite the fact that we have grown closer since... since he lost his vision." Prompto was hesitating for a second, his eyes still on the sleeping advisor. "He evaded the question in the most eloquent ways I've ever seen and also the two other tries that Gladio started."

Another long drawn silence followed and now Noctis moved his eyes to his injured friend as well. Ignis' breathing had changed slightly, a hitch in it and Noctis saw his fingers clench in the soft leather gloves he usually wore. "I know what happened," Noctis finally said with a sigh and silently like a ghost he rose from the bunk bed. "The ring showed me."

"So he did use that damn thing after all," Prompto growled in a low voice. "When we reached the altar, the ring was lying next to his hand and he was asking someone for forgiveness. We never found out who he meant by this."

The young king nodded, but then a worried look appeared on his face when he noticed that Ignis' sleep had started to become restless. The advisor was moaning softly, his face an expression of pain, his hands tried to reach out to the unseen and his whole body was shaking and trembling. "Go to him," Prompto said softly. "He needs you now. Ignis has tried to bear this the whole time alone, didn't let us help - maybe you can break through his defenses."

"And apologize myself," Noctis remarked with a soft sigh. "Because if it hadn't been for me, Ignis would have never needed to make this decision." Rising from the bunk bed, Noctis turned to his best friend. "Try to catch a bit more sleep and give these brurises a bit of time to heal before we head out again."

Prompto nodded and with a sigh and a yawn, he swung himself up into the upper bed and when Noctis took a quick look, he was already fast a sleep. Prompto could fall asleep in seconds when he was tired and when a quick rest was needed and this was definitely one of those moments. A small smile stole it's way on Noct's face, before the young king finally turned around and made his way over to the other bunk bed with soundless steps. The closer he got to Ignis though, the more he realized how restless the sleep of his oldest friend had become.

Sweat was shimmering on Ignis face and the clenching and unclenching of his fingers was more pronounced than before, while his body was shaking and trembling. Soft whispers fell between moans of pain and for a moment Noctis wasn't sure what he should do. Ignis and he were friends since childhood and yet in all these long years, Noctis hand never seen his in so much pain and distress. Noctis had seen Ignis in pain, but not this kind. Noctis had seen Ignis try to hold himself together when Cor broke his nose in training. At that time Ignis had refused to see a doctor and insisted on continuing his training, which lead to some irremovable blood stains on his shirt and pants and the infamous snap of his nose. The young king had seen his advisor on the battlefield and in hunts, crouching on the floor always ready to strike no matter the blood running down his side because he had been cut open by their bounty. But this time, it was different. This pain was raw, unheld and unfiltered. Ignis always tried his best to keep up his shields and yet in his dreams there were no walls to protect him, no cold indifference he could raise to keep people away.

For a moment, Noctis was unsure what to do. How could he wake Ignis without scaring him? Ignis was a blind man after all, the moment he woke up he would be shrouded in the same darkness he had to face in his sleep. He would not be able to see who woke him and for a moment, he would maybe even don't know anymore where he was. But Noctis couldn't let him suffer any longer, he couldn't stand watching Ignis throwing himself from one side to another, sweat was running down his chiseled cheeks and another soft and painful moan escaped his lips.

Steeling himself for all and nothing, Noctis carefully went into a crouch next to the bunk bed and softly shook Ignis' shoulder. "Wake up, Ignis," he called. "You're having a nightmare. You have to wake up." It took some harder shakes and a louder call of Ignis' name until the advisor reacted and literally shot up from the bed. In that moment, Noctis was fast to react and gripped Ignis tighter on the shoulder before stabilizing his sitting position. "Ignis, it's alright - it's alright. It's me. You are safe." Noctis waited a few moments before he spoke again. "You had a nightmare, but you are okay now."

It took another few moments, but then Ignis drew in a heavy and shaking breath. “My apologies, Noct,” he said in a soft voice. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

Noctis shook his head. “I offered to take the watch, remember? So you didn’t wake me and with that there is nothing to apologize,” he answered, before he went up from his crouch and sat down next to Ignis on the bed. “I’m worried about you though. These nightmares seem to take a serious toll on you.”

“Don’t mind me,” Ignis replied softly, his milky green eyes hidden behind his closed lids and his dark lenses. “We have more pressing matters at hand we have to attend to.”

Once again Noctis shook his head, despite the fact that he knew well enough that Ignis couldn’t see this gesture. “No, Ignis - I do mind you. You are carrying such a burden already on your shoulder because of me. You sacrificed so much, just to make sure, that I made it out of the covenant alive.” When Ignis opened his mouth to speak, the young king interrupted him, before he had even time to utter a word. “No, Ignis - please, hear me out. I know what happened at the altar... the ring showed me.”

For a moment there was a suffocating silence between the two men, before Ignis spoke. “The ring showed you?” he asked and suddenly his voices sounded endlessly tired, as if all his strength had left him.

Noctis gripped the shoulder of his friend even tighter now and took his hand with the other one. Ignis had never been one for touch or close contact when it wasn’t absolutely needed, but now that he lost his vision, Noctis had realized over time (and by watching how Prompto was holding himself around Ignis) that touch was one of the few things left, that gave Ignis a small sense of comfort and confidence in his dark world. It was a way of guiding him and also of grounding him to the present and the reality before the endless darkness could swallow him up in fear and despair. “Yes,” he replied softly “The moment I put on the ring, the kings of yore spoke to me... and they told and showed me what had happened on that day.”

“Forgive me, that I wasn’t fast enough to save Lady Lunafreya,” Ignis whispered so softly that Noctis nearly couldn’t understand him properly. “And forgive me for lying to you.”

For a moment Noctis was about to either scream or cry out. Why was Ignis apologizing to him of all people? Ignis had done nothing wrong - quite the opposite. He had tried to do everything that had been in his power to shape the events to a better ending. Loosing the grip he had on Ignis shoulder, Noctis moved his hand upward, wrapped it softly and carefully around the back of Ignis head and with that he drew his advisor close until their foreheads were touching. Ignis closed eyes were directed downward but Noctis could hear his breathing become irregular for a second. Ignis was unsure and his blindness only made it worse.

“Listen to me, Ignis,” Noctis said soothingly. “There is nothing - absolute nothing you would have to apologize for. You did everything in your power to reach the altar in time, but fate and the circumstances played tricks on both of us. And there is no need to apologize that you hid the truth from me either. I know, why you did it, Ignis and I don’t blame you for the decision you made.” For a moment, Noctis held his breath before he continued on. “In fact - I am the one who should apologize to you, because Gladio was more than right in the train. I was so caught up in my own pain and misery that I completely disregarded the agony and the distress you must have been in. I was blind for your troubles and your worries and that was not only wrong but unfair and uncalled for as well. You gave so much up just for my sake and I didn’t even have the decency to acknowledge it.”

Ignis shook his head. “Noct, you don’t have to...”

“No,” Noctis replied softly. “I really have to, because what king am I about to become when I can’t even see the pain of those that are closest to me, when I’m blind to the problems and turmoils of those who need me? I am sorry, Ignis and I hope that one day you can forgive me, what horrible friend and brother I was to you in a time when you would have needed me most.”

A soft sigh escaped Ignis and now for the first time, since he had woken up he brought his hand up and wrapped it around the back of Noctis' neck. "Even if I would have been angry or held a grudge against you, Noct... I would have forgiven you long ago already," Ignis said softly and not for the first time, Noctis wished that Ignis would look up and open his eyes. He knew that the eyes of his oldest friend were blind and milky and that it made no difference for Ignis, because he was imprisoned in the dark no matter if he opened his eyes or not, but for a moment - for a moment it would have given Noctis some sense of safety and solitude. “You had just lost Lady Lunafreya and were mourning her passing.”

Noct shook his head. “Mourning the loss of a beloved is still no excuse for what I did,” he said. “Remembering the dead is one thing but the living are more important and you are still living. You are breathing." Noctis moved his hands and softly pushed Ignis head up with his hand under his chin. "I know you are blind and it will change nothing for you, but please - open your eyes." For a moment, Noctis could feel the hesitation in Ignis' movements and the slight shaking in his posture. Ignis was fighting with himself - his fears, his doubts and his pain but after a few more moments he nodded.

"Very well," he replied softly and in a careful gesture he took the glasses from his slightly crooked nose, before he opened his blind eyes. The dim light reflected in the milky green of Ignis eyes like a mirror and Ignis took a shaking breath.

For a moment a pressing and constricting silence fell between Ignis and Noctis, because for a moment Noctis couldn't help but to remember the drive to the disc of Cauthess. What had Gladio said at that time... That Ignis wanted his world to be crystal clear, that's why he wore glassed despite the fact that the could see well enough without them. But now Ignis' world was no longer clear - it had fallen into a never ending darkness, a darkness that would never fade away into a breaking dawn. Noctis couldn't hold back the tears that were starting to fill his eyes and a cruel part of him was glad, that Ignis could not see them... yet, the young king didn't cry for himself but for the friend that was sitting at his side.

Painfully aware of the fact that Ignis had gone through all of this, because he had tried to save him, Noctis was lost for words. Seeing these blinded eyes for once without the protective darkness of the sunglasses Ignis normally wore, made everything only all to real but Noctis knew that he couldn’t shy away from the reality and the truth any longer. He had done this long enough and had hurt those closest to him in the process. If there had ever been moments for Noctis to take responsibility then this was definitely one of them. “I’m sorry, Ignis - I did this to you. If I would have been stronger, I wouldn’t have failed to support you on the altar against Ardyn,” Noctis whispered and when Ignis opened his mouth to speak, Noctis just cut him off. “I failed you once, but I won’t fail you again, Ignis.”

For another few seconds silence fell between the two young men and the only thing that could be heard was the breathing of all four in the murky light of the dormitory. “You never failed me, Noct,” Ignis said softly. “I promised your father to stand by your side, no matter what would happen.”

“I know and you protected me,” Noctis replied softly before he placed his hand on Ignis’ shoulder again, while the tactician did close his eyes again and hid them behind his darkened shades. Noctis could feel him relax under his hand and it was as if a facade was slipping into place again, that protected at least a part of Ignis soul from the cruelty of the world. It pained to see Noctis that his oldest and closest friend was hiding himself like this from even those who cared about him and whom he cared about, but the young king knew that old habits did die hard and Ignis had learned over the years in the citadel that his own feelings and who he was, had to stand back behind what he was and what duty he had.

But Noctis didn’t want Ignis to stand back - he didn’t want his friend to hide what he was because slowly Noctis began to realize that he had taken too many things for granted, had taken Ignis for granted and all that he had done and normally stood for. He didn't want the strategist to fight for him, he wanted to fight by his side and if this was the time to finally step up, the young king would do it. "Ignis, you have to promise me something," Noctis said and Ignis crooked his head to the side, signing Noctis that he was listening. “You have to promise me, that you will live your life from this moment on. I know this sound wrong and like a farce, considering what you have lost, what you have endured, what you are suffering through and what will still await you, but I don’t want you to look back onto your life at one point and regret that you met me all these years ago. I want you to make decisions for yourself first and foremost without me in the back of your mind and what might be good for me. I want you to be egoistic and pursue your own goals.”

Ignis looked up. “Noct...” he began, but the king cut him off.

“Just because you decide for yourself and do something for yourself doesn’t mean you are less a friend to me, than you are now,” the dark haired man remarked. “You will still be my oldest friend, you will still be the friend I turn to, when I need help. My dad said, that you should stand by me but I think he never meant that you should give up everything for me... I would never want you to do that. You already did this long enough without me noticing. Stray from the path, follow your own goals and rise with your dreams... it can only make you stronger.” For a moment Noctis held his breath. “I just wish I would have told you that sooner, before everything went to hell... before you lost your vision on the altar.”

For a moment another few seconds of silence dragged on between the two men and Noctis wished nothing more than he could use the power of the ring and of the crystal to turn back the time before all these events. He wished nothing more than to give Ignis back his sight and save the woman he was betrothed to... and yet Noctis knew that there was nothing he could do to ease Ignis suffering. "Promise me, Ignis," the young king whispered softly. "Promise me, that from now on you live for yourself as well and not just for me."

"Noct..."

"Ignis, promise me. I want you to live, I want you to laugh and I want you to love. I know you will be there for me even if you concentrate on yourself," Noctis said softly. "Please, Ignis... Promise me and don't just say it. I know you and I recognize it when you are not standing behind what you are saying."

For the first time, Ignis' lifted his head and fixated Noctis with his gaze, despite his eyes being blind and closed. A hint of frustration was flittering over his face and Noctis recognized it right away. He knew he had caught Ignis and he had him nailed down. Ignis' lips were drawn into a bloodless line and the scars stood harsh against his skin and only showed his disagreement even more. The advisor was battling with himself - with his sense of honor, duty, loyality and his friendship to Noctis, Gladio and Prompto. But there was something else inside him, that wanted to be free - something that Noctis knew existed and that Ignis had caged inside him all the time, because it had been standing in the way with the role that Ignis played on the court and in Noctis' life. Noctis had seen glimpses of this but he knew that Ignis had never allowed himself to live this out. "Promise me..."

"I promise," Ignis whispered softly and Noctis knew that he meant it, even if it broke him and all the principles he had tried to hold up so far his entire life. Drawing Ignis close once again, Noctis wrapped his arms around his best friend and laid his chin onto Ignis shoulder, before he felt Ignis carefully reaching out, burying his gloved hands into Noct's black jacket.The young king felt his old friend draw a shaky breath before he grabbed Noct's jacket even tighter.

A soft smile, that Ignis couldn't see ran over Noctis face. "Live Ignis - live your life and live it for yourself, because living in regrets is not living at all."  

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for that one was swimming in my head since ages, but I never really got around doing it until I finally manages to find the time to write the story but it needed even more time to do the render for it, which is here: https://www.deviantart.com/nightyswolf/art/Secrets-780300013


End file.
